You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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