did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
