you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
