Sry I called you an 8
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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