I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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