It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
