id be glad to
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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