this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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