Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
