Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
