my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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