would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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