Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
