his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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