We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
