I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
