I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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