I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
