Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this hospital has no fireball
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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