i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
