You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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