yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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