This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Found the puke drawer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
