I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
