I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
