I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
