She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize