My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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