i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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