My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
