Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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