LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
