dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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