Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
