I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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