This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
