i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
