My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
