I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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