If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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