I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i drank out of a bidet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
