its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
