omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
