My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
