i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
