good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
