so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
