Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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