Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
