also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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