I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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