I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
