I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
