dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
