i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
