I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
