porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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