Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
