I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
