The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
