I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
