Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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