Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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