a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
