Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
