I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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