all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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