Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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