Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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