Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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