You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
smell my finger.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
