Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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