D3 body, D1 cock
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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