So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
