Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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