Can i not drive my cunt home
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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