I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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