i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
