it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
