great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
