how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
