if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize