My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
