Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
