some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
