all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
