5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I believe in your delicious
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
