He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I deserve this hangover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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